I just don't care right now.

Obviously I haven't written very many posts lately.

I've started a lot of posts. And never finished them.

It's not that our life is boring or anything right now. Tyson is as busy as can be with work and taking classes for his master's degree and traveling to England for work. Audrey is at the most fun stage of her life so far, learning to say new words and skills (like climbing out of her crib) every day and she continues to crack us up with her facial expressions and funny noises. Baby #2 is doing great. I'm actually showing enough that (I hope) people don't have to guess if I'm pregnant or if I just had too much for lunch. I'm busy getting the new women's Bible studies organized at church and working on Audrey's new room in any spare moment I have. My sister is going to be having their second child sometime during this next week, so Audrey and I will be traveling to meet the new family member with Nana and Papa.

all that to say...Life is great!! We're so blessed and happy and trying to soak in everything that's happening, but when it comes to writing posts, I've got nothing. I'm not motivated. I'm not in the mood to be creative. basically, I don't care right now. I don't even read blogs as much as I used to. so, until this phase passes, my posts will be minimal and probably boring.

Just like this one.

hello, baby!

Sweet baby,

Hello, there!! I'm your mommy!! It just dawned on me today that you are more than half way done with your time inside of me and I haven't written you an official letter yet! I feel horrible. You're already falling into the "2nd child" category (that I swore wouldn't happen) and you're getting the shaft. I'll work on that. Don't worry, though, I've been filling out your baby book and have had daddy take some pictures of my growing belly, just like we did with your big sister, Audrey.

I can hardly believe how fast the time is going! It seems like yesterday daddy and I were standing together looking at that pregnancy test and we could hardly believe our eyes!! "Is that a line?!?" We were so excited and our eyes filled with tears as we hugged and started thinking of fun ways to tell everyone! Suddenly, I'm 21 weeks pregnant and I don't know where the time has gone!

We're very busy getting the house ready for your arrival. The house is already full of toys that your big sister plays with so it should be a smooth transition once it's time to pull out the baby swing, exersaucer, floor mat and high chair again! The nursery is all ready for you since we decorated with a neutral theme when we were expecting Audrey, so we're busy getting Audrey moved on to her new "big girl" room, which will be right next to your room! Speaking of your big sister, she loves patting (sometimes hitting) my belly and says "baby!!" I'm not sure she understands that a real baby is going to be living at our house very soon, but for now she's very excited.

I have to admit, right now I think you're a girl. (If you're a boy, I'm really sorry, it's nothing against you or boys, it's just my feeling so far.) Let me explain: Audrey's and your due dates are only 6 days apart from each other, which means I'm going through every stage of these pregnancies at exactly the same time of year. I didn't have any morning sickness, just like with Audrey and I'm also carrying you high, just like I carried your sister. So, basically, this feels like an identical pregnancy. Another thing that is the same is that we have a girl name picked out already (just like we did with Audrey at this time) and we are once again, undecided on a boy name. Don't worry, though, if you are a boy, we'll have a name ready by the time you arrive!

One of the new things that is very exciting lately is how much I'm feeling you move around inside of me! The first time I felt you was on December 8, 2009 and it was right after I woke up in the morning. It was the tiniest of little flutters and it was so sweet! Over a month later, I'm feeling you almost every day (depending on how much time I get to sit down, since I spend so much time chasing your big sister.) I usually feel you move on the left side of my belly and we found out at the ultrasound, that's where your legs are, so it makes a lot of sense! Keep kicking, little one! (Just not, too hard!) Hopefully daddy will be able to feel you kick on the outside, soon. He can't wait to actually get a high-five from you!

Oh, sweet little one, we have so much anticipation for your arrival! Now that we've managed to get your sister to 20 months old, we feel a little more at ease about how/when to do things, but as everyone is telling us, the second child is usually the polar opposite from the first. We'll accept you and love you no matter how you are and we look forward to getting to know your personality and likes/dislikes. Oh, we can't wait!! What a little blessing you already are! It's crazy to think that in about 4 months we'll be a family of FOUR!! We thank God for allowing us the privilege of being your parents and for a safe/healthy pregnancy so far. What a miracle you are!

I already love you so much and I look forward to meeting you and holding you and kissing your sweet little face (and finding out if you're a boy or girl!!) I look forward to your first little smile and the first time you call me "mommy." Until then, just know that you are thought about a million times a day and you've already found a very special place in my heart.

I love you, sweet baby!

love, Mommy

It's been 40 days since I last wrote...

so here's what's been happening!!

*We decorated our house for Christmas, not as much as usual, considering we have a very curious toddler running around this year and we knew wouldn't be around to enjoy it the whole season.

*We celebrated Christmas early with Lisa's family at her parents' house...what a fun (fast) weekend!

*I've slowly (but surely) been working on Audrey's new room. All the bedding is here and I finished working on the curtains and I even painted some of the things that will hang on the walls!

*We packed all of Audrey's things and sent her off to Nana and Papa's house for 8 days because...

*Tyson and I went on a cruise with Tyson's family over Christmas!

*While we were cruising, Audrey, Nana and Papa flew to Denver to see my sister, her husband and their daughter!

*Tyson and I had our 6th Anniversary on December 27!! We haven't officially celebrated because we were driving back from New Orleans (12 hour drive) that day and then Tyson got (what we think was) the swine flu.

*Once he felt better, it was time to pack up again and go to Tyson's parents' for his grandparents' big anniversary party!!

*We brought in 2010 by going to bed early. :)

*Once we got home, it was time to unpack, do loads and loads of laundry and then start taking down the Christmas decorations. ugh.

*Audrey is 20 months old today!! seriously, when did she grow up?!?

*We had our BIG ultrasound this afternoon! As previously mentioned, we decided that we wanted to have another surprise. Just a few days ago, I started thinking, "oh, it would be kind of fun to find out." Then yesterday, I saw an episode of "A Baby Story" and there was a couple that didn't know what they were having and I was reminded of all the anticipation and guessing and the big moment when the baby comes out and I cried watching it. So, my mind went back to not wanting to know. Then today, I mentioned all of this to Tyson as we're sitting in the waiting room for the ultrasound and he said, "Let's just find out!" I was shocked because I thought he might say something like "oh...you really want a surprise, let's just wait" but it proved to me that he really wants to know!!!! great. Then a lightbulb comes on and it finally occured to me that he may want to know as badly as I don't want to know. Then I wondered, "is this one of those times when I should give in?" We were still talking about it when the tech called us back. We chatted with her and then mentioned that we still didn't know if we wanted to know or not. She said she doesn't check "that area" until the very end so we could still talk about it and had time to decide. yeah, right!! We talked about this A LOT at home many, many weeks ago, so why would and extra 15 minutes while a tech is taking measurements on our child help us decide?!? Then I had the brilliant idea of having the tech write down "boy" or "girl" on a piece of paper that we could take home and decide to read if/when we wanted to...but we were only going to have her write it down if she was completely, 100%, without a doubt, sure what it was. and sure enough, the baby didn't cooperate! He/She had his/her legs held tight together and their ankles crossed!! so...we'll take that as confirmation that we're not supposed to know until he/she comes out! what a crazy rollercoaster of emotions!

here's the latest pic of #2 (turn your head to the right. the face is looking directly as you and the right hand is on the ear and the left arm is under the chin.) The baby was kicking its legs and waving at us. We could see the 4 chambers of the heart and all the itty-bitty vertebrae on the spine. The heartbeat was 141bpm (the slowest to date) and right now the baby weighs 13 ounces...SO TINY!! What a precious little miracle! keep growing strong, little one!

thankful

Things I'm thankful for:

*our health
*wonderful, amazing family
*really great friends
*our home
*our church
*a Thanksgiving day with just my husband and little girl
*an awesome husband that goes to work every day so I can stay home with our little girl
*our spunky, smiley little girl that brings so much delight into our lives
*another little one on the way
*that Tyson finally decided that he doesn't really need to know what we're having, so...we're going to have another surprise!!

the big question

The question everyone is asking us lately is: "when can you find out what you're having?" I'm guessing that we could find out the first week of January, which is when I'll be 20 weeks along. Most of my friends that are pregnant are having "the big ultrasound" and thus, finding out around 18 weeks or even earlier. But...considering, we will be out of town for 2 weeks straight starting on week 18, I won't be having "the big ultrasound" until January.

Anyway, when people ask me this question, it's usually followed by, "oh, wait, you didn't find out with Audrey did, you?? Are you going to find out this time?!?"

And right now, I have no idea what to say.

I want another surprise. Tyson wants to know.

Both Tyson and I LOVED not knowing the first time around. We registered for everything neutral, so no matter what we had we could keep reusing all of the big items for all of our kids. The nursery is done in neutral colors so Audrey will move out and baby #2 will take over what was her room and there will be no need to redo anything. We have a LOT of neutral newborn and 0-3 month onesies and sleepers and that's what #2 will probably be in for a while anyway.

I LOVED the anticipation and guessing and wondering and speculating and the big moment when the baby comes out and the doctor announces "it's a ...!" And I want to do it again! Tyson doesn't even have a good reason for wanting to know. He just wants to know. So...do I just play the "I'm carrying this baby for 9 months and am going to push this baby out of me!" card, so I can win? or do I give in?

so, what I want to hear are pros and cons of finding out/not finding out. any helpful suggestions to make this decision any easier?

the true meaning of "I'm tired."

I'm now 12, almost 13 weeks along with this pregnancy. A lot of the pregnant women around me are very sick and throwing up so people usually start their converstations to me with, "I haven't heard you talk about being sick, so you're having it pretty easy, right?" Part of me wants to agree with them, because, really, I HATE throwing up and I can't imagine doing it every day, a couple of times a day for weeks on end. So in that respect, I do have it very easy.

But I don't feel like it's been easy! and I'm not just complaining about it to complain, I just want to clarify why my house has been a mess for the last month and I don't feel like doing anything these days.

When people ask how I'm doing I usually reply with, "I'm really tired." (and this response is usually followed by the person responding, "oh, that's not so bad!! I'm glad you're doing so great!") But what I want to say is "I've never been so exhausted in my life. I was tired when I was pregnant with Audrey, but this has gone to a whole other level!! I start the day feeling like I've already run a marathon and then I have a very energetic 18 month old that needs me all day. So, I muster up enough energy to play with her and engage her brain in activities but all I want to do is sit in front of the tv all day and fall asleep. By the time she naps, I do, too. Then she wakes up, so I wake up and we play in the afternoon. Sometimes I have the energy to do a few loads of laundry and make dinner, other nights I have the energy to get in the car and drive to Papa Murphy's. Once we've eaten, Tyson entertains Audrey and once she's in bed, I go to bed, too. But I'm not sleeping well these days so it takes me at least 45 minutes to fall asleep and then I wake up about 4 times a night. not to pee, though. I just wake up. and then eventually fall back asleep. and then Audrey wakes up and we start another day."

but...this too shall pass. right?!?

18 months

Happy 18 months to our little sweetie!

We love you SO much!