one year pictures

kBphotography took these pictures last Thursday and I'm finally getting some of my favorites on here. These turned out just like I wanted: outside on a sunny day, her in a casual outfit and no posed pictures. I LOVE THEM!!! thanks, Katie!

awkward

Now that the weather has changed from the monsoon season here (22 straight days of rain), I've resumed my daily walks with Audrey. If there's one thing she loves, it's being outside.

And now that it's getting warmer (yay!) we're walking in the morning after we have breakfast and before her morning nap, which is allowing us to see a whole different group of people out and about in our neighborhood. I love briskly walking along and having a neighbor wave and shout "good morning! I sure am glad the weather is nice again!" I reply with something lame like, "good morning to you, too, and we are definitely enjoying this weather while we can!" These small conversations are considered normal and they're part of what I love about our neighborhood.


But, I've had some awkward conversations lately, too. This morning, as I started my walk, I decided that I wanted to run the first part. I ran a lot in high school (I was in cross-country, basketball and track) and got burned out, so I haven't ran in a long time. so, I ran a while and then felt satisfied with the distance I'd run and walked the rest of my route as usual. About 3 minutes after I stopped running, I came up behind a lady that was walking, and as I was about to pass her, she looked at me and said "oh. you're not running this morning!" what?!? what am I supposed to say to that? my first instinct is to say "yes I did!" but I'm obviously not the person she thinks she's I am, since the running I just did was the most running I'd done in years, but I don't want to make it too awkward for her, so started replying as my mind was still thinking of something to say and this is what came out: "I decided to walk this part!" That was really dumb. what does that sentence even mean? uh! sometimes small talk can be so awkward!

(well, this second one doesn't really qualify as a conversation since I never actually said anything) About a week ago, while I was out walking, some of the neighborhood kids were on their way to school. There was a group of 4 boys, I would say 4th or 5th grade, that were walking ahead of me on the opposite sidewalk. One of them turned around and noticed me (pushing my daughter in the stroller), and he quickly turned around, said something and then they all *nonchalantly* (yeah, right) each turned around and looked at me. it was very awkward. and I was completely covered up! I was wearing normal length shorts, a tank top with a zip-up fleece over it and my hair was in a ponytail. I thought the awkwardness was over, but then about 30 seconds later I heard "hey, hot girl!" followed by "HE said it!" I didn't say anything or even look at them and luckily it was time for me to turn. I almost wanted to yell something like "I'm old enough to be your mom!" or something about the fact that I could be their teacher, but I just let it go. or else...maybe...they were talking to Audrey...that's a whole other issue!

have you ever had any weird conversations while you're out, just trying to get some fresh air and exercise?!? please, tell.

lesson learned (the hard way)

I had a "frightening/oh, no-I'm-a-horrible-mom/oops" moment this morning.

I was giving Audrey a bath. (We normally do baths in before bed, but we ran out of time last night running around and we got home just in time to feed her and put her to bed, and she was begging to go to bed, so I knew it wouldn't be worth it to give her a bath, which gets her wound up, just to try to get her to go to sleep. anyway...)

like I said, I was giving Audrey a bath this morning. Now some of you may judge me when I say this, but there are times that I have left Audrey in the tub by herself for a few moments, but seriously, it's only been for a few seconds, I promise. And she's always been fine. The phone rang (I know, a horrible reason) and I knew it was Tyson, so I took three steps out of the bathroom to reach the phone, and in those few moments, I heard a thud and silence, followed by crying. I turn back into the bathroom and naked little Audrey is on all fours outside of the tub with her eyes shut tight, bottom lip curled down, about to let out another cry and sitting next to her is one of her bath toys.

WHAT!?!?!?!?!?! How did that happen so fast?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?

I scooped her up and she continued to cry for about 20 seconds and then she was fine. I did a thorough body check and there were no bumps or bruises or blood or broken bones so I put her back in the tub and we finished bath time...like nothing ever happened. She giggled and laughed and chewed on her bath toys and chattered away like usual.

Now...I know, "NEVER leave a baby in the tub by themselves!!!!!" I can't even tell you the number of times I've read that or have been told that. And now I understand why. I was only away for 3 seconds. THREE seconds!! One mississippi, two mississippi, three mississippi. that's all!

I'm just thankful that she's ok. and I definitely learned my lesson.

so, to all you moms (and moms to be) out there...don't make this same mistake...learn this lesson from me.

last night

Last night was one of the toughest nights I've had as a mom.

Yesterday Audrey was running a low-grade fever (high 99's) all day. She would play for a little bit, look up, find where I was and then walk over to me and fall into me, stick her thumb in her mouth and cuddle with me for a few minutes. She's so active walking and crawling all over the place these days; I'll take cuddling time whenever I can get it. She was just a little clingy. no big deal.

Around 7:30pm she started acting tired so we gave her a sippy cup of milk and put her to bed early. And she didn't protest. Tyson and I sat down on the couch and watched a bunch of dvr'd tv shows and made it to bed around 11. Pretty normal evening so far.

At 2:04am, Audrey woke up crying and it was a full, all-out, come-help-me-cry. I reached my arms into her crib and her outstretched arms met mine. She clung onto me and made constant noises and chewed and sucked on my shoulder and wiggled and tried as hard as she could to find a comfy spot, but she couldn't. I tried swaying her. I tried sitting with her. I tried laying down next to her. I tried standing still. Nothing would stop her moaning and wiggling. So I laid just her back down in her crib, she cried for about 3 seconds and then she was quiet. For about 15 mintues.

2:45am: This time the cries were a little more intense and the moaning was a little louder. She rubbed her eyes and burried her face in my chest. I tried all of the usual things to calm her back down, but nothing worked...for 45 mintues. It was constant shifting and moving and moaning...for 45 mintues. Tyson came out of our room and suggested that we just play with her for a while and then try puting her down again. She was still feeling a little warm so we gave her some tylenol and let her play in the living room for a little bit. She was walking around and making happy noises, but still yawning, so after a little bit, we decided it was time to try puting her back down.

3:40am: She wanted nothing to do with her crib. I laid her down and she cried and wailed and and stood up and cried into her blanket. I sat by the side of her crib and cried and prayed. "I don't know what to do. Everything that has worked in the past is not working tonight. Give me creativity and patience, please." I knew she was exhausted. I was exhaused. Tyson had to go to work in the morning so I made him go back to sleep. I was at my wit's end, so I loaded her up in the car and handed her the bear she sleeps with. She definitely protested when I was strapping her into the car seat, but I expected it. I started the car and backed out and drove to no where. She cried for about 1 mintue and then she was out. Poor, tired little thing. I drove around for about 15 mintues just to make sure she was really asleep. Every light we went under gave me a chance to see her in the mirror, and sure enough her little face was looking up, eyes shut and mouth open, sleeping soundly as she clung onto her bear. As I pulled back into the garage, I started debating with myself about what to do. Do I leave her sleeping in her car seat and put the monitor in there with her so I can sleep in my bed? Do I lean my chair back and just sleep in the car with her? Do I dare try to move her out of the car seat and then into her crib?!? Then, in the middle of all the debating with myself, she sneezed and woke herself up. More crying.

4:07am: I hurry and get her out of her car seat and into her dark room as quickly as I can. I know there's still some sleep in those eyes, there has to be!!! I didn't say anything to her, I just stood there and held her close to me in her room and listened to the vaporizer and she ever so slightly started to relax. As soon and I started to move her so I could position her correctly to lay her down in her crib, she would jerk and we had to start all over again. This happened about 3 times and then it hit me. Tonight Audrey wouldn't be sleeping in her crib. And I wouldn't get to sleep in my own bed. All those times before when she would easily go back to sleep on her own after I laid her back in her crib awake...that was not going to happen tonight. I don't know the reason and that doesn't matter; she needed her mommy to hold her.

So, I shifted how I was holding her and once she relaxed again, we sat down together in the glider in her room. She slept. and snored. I closed my eyes. I think I stole a few minutes of sleep here and there, but I just couldn't let myself relax enough to really sleep while I was holding her. She would shift her arm or turn her head to the other side every once in a while, but she was sleeping. and that was the goal.

5:10am: She woke up crying again. So I stood up from the glider and held her close as she wrapped her arms around me again and burried her face in my shoulder. "Please, stay relaxed!! It's not time to get up yet!!" About 5 minutes later, she was completely relaxed again so I assumed the position in the glider. This time, the way I sat was even less comfortable than before and my arms were hurting and my back was aching. but I reminded myself that she was sleeping. She wasn't crying or screaming; she was sleeping. I thanked God that this was not the usual night in our home and asked for wisdom about how long to keep holding her and if I should try to lay her down in her crib. I really wanted to go climb into our comfy bed next to Tyson and fall asleep, but I couldn't. I decided that if I needed to hold her the rest of the night, I would.

5:56am: I couldn't sleep and my eyes were playing tricks on me and I could barely hold Audrey any longer. I had to lay her down in her crib. without overthinking it, I just laid her in her crib and walked away. to my complete surprise, she stayed sleeping. I shut her door and walked down the hallway to our bedroom, turned the monitor back on and climbed into bed. It was already starting to get light out. but I was tired enough to fall asleep.

7:10am: Audrey was awake to start the day!

I can count the number of hours I slept last night without even using all the fingers on one of my hands. That doesn't happen very often...and for that I've very grateful.

I just woke up from a nap this morning and Audrey is still taking hers, which I'm also grateful for. Last night was one of those times I'll look back on and wonder what it was about that night that she needed me so badly. I may have tired eyes all day and want to go to bed early tonight, but that's part of being a mom. and I'll take the tired eyes any day. (just hopefully not every day!) :)

apparently, I'm kreativ!

This thing has been going around for a while, and since each person that receives it has to tag 7 people, I was bound to get tagged eventually, and now it has happened!!! "Oh, my goodness!!! I hardly know what to say!!" (sarcasm) thanks, Ashlee. really. unless you were meaning to tag another Lisa, then I feel dumb. oh well. on with the formalities.

Now I must list 7 things I love (and like everyone else, I'm going to point out that it specified things, so I can't list people):

1. The M&M's jar in my living room. My grandma Gus(tafson) always had a jar of M&M's in her house and it was nice to just grab a few and go on your way. When I received a little Mikasa (the only piece of Mikasa that we actually use) jar w/lid for our wedding, I knew it would be perfect for my own M&M's jar in our house. and it is perfect. I just can't seem to keep the jar full.

2. my new wedges. why didn't anyone tell me how comfortable wedges were?!? my feet always hurt when I wear heels so I usually wear flats. until I found these. they're SO comfortable and they make me really tall and they make my legs look really good, too. and they weren't even expensive! bonus!

3. Bath & Body Works' Pink Grapefruit Antibacterial Deep Cleansing Hand Soap. It smells really good. believe me. I don't know if I would want to use the body lotion in this scent, but it's great for hand soap or maybe body wash. mmmm...

4. my watch. I didn't wear a watch during high school or college. my wrists are kind of smallish and I couldn't stand having a watch flopping around on my arm, so I never wore one. Then Tyson bought this one for me on our honeymoon and got it sized for me...I've worn it ever since. I've worn other watches since, but this one is still my favorite. it's simple, with a punch of color, and most of the time, stays put on my wrist. :)

5. DVR--seriously, how did we live before this amazing invention? does anyone else remember having to set the timer on the VCR and getting the tape in the exact right spot, then having to rewind the tape to watch it, then just as the show is about to end, it stops and you realize that there wasn't enough tape left and you missed the end of the show?!? how did we live like that?!?

6. my new sports bra, by Champion, purchased, on clearance, at Target. I'm not kidding, I really love it. It's very comfortable, just supportive enough, yet not too tight. and it's PINK! so fun!! I might work out more often just so I can wear it! now that's an amazing sports bra!

7. watching Audrey walk. She's been walking almost 3 weeks now and it never gets old. she's very brave and she doesn't look where she's stepping, so she falls a lot, but she always gets right back up and keeps going! she's getting so big! *tear...*

Now it's time to tag 7 friends (I'm going to try to pick people that haven't been awarded this before, but it's hard to keep track):

1. Zach & Erin

2. Alyson

3. Margo

4. Heather

5. Jenae

6. Ryan & Joy

7. Silvy

Mother's Day, one day late

Last year was officially my first mother's day as a mom, but it wasn't what I pictured my first Mother's day to be. For starters, I thought I was still going to be pregnant for last year's Mother's day! Audrey was 6 days old, we were trying to figure out breastfeeding, not getting much sleep and Audrey was jaundiced, which is typical of babies born a little early (she was about a week and a half early, so it wasn't too bad.) Anyway, the poor thing had to get her heel pricked and squeezed 5 out of the first 7 days of her life. The blood sample told the doctors if the jaundice level was ok or if it was too high. It wasn't high enough that she needed treatment right away, but just high enough that we had to keep drawing blood and re-checking the level every day until she was 5 days old and then the doctor finally decided that she needed to have the light treatment. And it just so happened that the 24 hours that she had to lay in the torture chamber, uh, I mean, the light therapy bed, was on Mother's Day.

Audrey was born the Monday before Mother's Day, so I was very excited, and had my heart set on having Audrey's first time at church be on Mother's Day...that did not happen.

She spent Saturday evening and Sunday morning in the light bed. She had to lay there in just her diaper. We could only get her out to feed her and change her diaper, other than that she had to lay under the lights with these ridiculous goggles on (which she hated). She would scream and cry and pull on the goggles. We eventually figured out how to get the goggles on her once she was sleeping and then gently lay her in the light bed...it was not fun. The only perk about the bed is that it was warm. As a mom, especially a first time mom, it was such a helpless feeling. I knew the best thing for her was to lay under the light as much as possible, but it was so heart wrenching to hear her tiny 6-day old cry and not be able to scoop her up and comfort her in my arms. Tyson and I took turns watching her during the night so we were each able to get a few hours of sleep. Here's a few pictures of her getting the light therapy:



This picture shows just how yellow her skin was. And this picture also proves what diligent parents we were to keep the horrible goggles in place all night...she kind of looks like a little raccoon.
Saturday night some dear friends came over to bring us dinner and we asked them to stay and eat with us. Of course, she had to be in the light bed as much as possible, and she was mad in the light bed. Our friends assured us that her crying didn't bother them; the wife was pregnant so they said they'd better get used to the crying, anyway. Along with dinner, they also brought me my very first mother's day balloon! It was so sweet of them. And it helped make my first mother's day a little better.

Well, here we are a year later. I just celebrated my second Mother's day as a mom yesterday and the second year was much better than the first. I knew it would be. :)

Happy Mother's Day (a day late) to all the mommies out there...

misplaced

The other night I made a delicious dinner of baked chicken, brown rice and broccoli. Tyson and I finished eating before Audrey was done, so as I finished feeding her, Tyson started cleaning up the kitchen. *sidenote: this happens regularly, I'm very lucky!* We told each other stories from the day and I heard the sound of cupboards opening and closing and the scraping of the leftovers into tupperware and the water running as he was washing the dishes...all normal cleaning up sounds. I thanked him for his help, cleaned Audrey up and we all played in the living room until it was time for Audrey to go to bed.

Now...I'm sure you're wondering, "what is the point of this story?!?" stay with me...here's where it gets interesting.

Fast forward to the next morning when Tyson is about to walk out the door to go to work. He's been looking in the fridge for a little bit, mumbling something like, "where did I put it?"

(Important history: Tyson is notorious for misplacing things. I can't count the number of times I've had to find his keys or wallet or wedding ring for him...and I can always find the things he's misplaced, so he's become dependent on me for it. he still likes to try to find things on his own though.)

me: "do I need to come over there and find the leftovers for you?"

Tyson: "no, I know it's in here somewhere!"

I start thinking back to other times he's put things in the wrong place...like the time he put the box of cereal in the fridge when he was distracted talking on the phone, or when he put his dirty socks in the toilet (thinking he was lifting the top of the hamper) when he was in the middle of telling me a very long, intense story. So, my mind starts going...knowing that we were laughing and telling each other stories while he was cleaning the kitchen, the containers would not be found where they should be. They're not in the fridge. So, I look in the pantry. They're not in the pantry. I opened up the cupboard where we store all of our tupperware, and sure enough, sitting in the spot where normally clean containers are sitting, are 2 tupperware containers full of (once)yummy leftovers that must now be thrown out.

now it's your turn...have you (or your spouse) misplaced anything like this?

One Amazing Year

Our precious little sweet pea,

As we look back over this past year, it's unbelievable how much you've changed our lives and how you've grown from a tiny helpless baby into an independent little girl. Everyone told us how fast the first year would go by and now we understand. It seems like yesterday that we were driving home from the hospital saying, "we really get to keep her?" You have accomplished so many things in the first 12 months of your life...you have been such a busy little girl!

It's been fun to think back and remember some of your firsts: when you first smiled at us...your first road trip (you were a very good traveler)...when you first slept through the night (yay!)...your first week in the church nursery...when you first rolled over...the first time you went #2 in the tub...when you were able to sit up on your own...your first spoonful of green beans...your first playdate with friends...the first time you jumped in your jumperoo...when you got your first tooth...when you (finally) crawled...when you had RSV (and mommy swayed you to sleep until her arms ached, just to have you wake up as she laid you in your crib)...the first time you fed yourself a cheerio...your first experience with snow...when you pulled yourself up to stand next to the coffee table...when you (finally) learned to drink from a sippy cup...first time at the zoo...the first time you threw up...the first time you fell and got hurt...the first time in your swing outside...your first airplane ride...when you said "mama" and "daddy"...the first night you didn't stay with us...and most recently, taking your first steps all by yourself! We could go on and on about all the adorable things you've done! We've taken more pictures than we should have this year, but they will help us remember all the little things that have happened. (and you're so photogenic, we couldn't help ourselves.)

Some of your favorite things are daddy's guitar, bath time, toothbrushes, books, swinging, being outside, Walter, necklaces and earrings, chasing daddy around the living room, cheese, shoulder rides, the tiger puppet at Nana and Papa's house, hanging upside down, the white bear/blanket you sleep with, growling and saying "daddy!" Your least favorite things are having to lay still to get your diaper changed, the end of bath time, hard-tipped sippy cups, not being able to reach (or having something taken away that you could reach but aren't supposed to) and getting your nose sucked out with the "snot sucker" (you've made a lot of progress though.)

We're so blessed by your laid-back temperament. Almost every time we take you out to eat or to a store, someone comments about what a happy, content, smiley little girl you are. We always say that if you get your sleep, you're in a good mood! You weren't always a good sleeper though...those first two months were kind of rough. We're glad you like to sleep now. :)

You make us smile and laugh and you challenge us each day. Just when we think we have you figured out, something changes! You are already very smart and you're starting to get a little mischievous...you definitely keep us on our toes! You make daddy's day by your reaction to seeing him walk through the door after work. You make us not care about sleeping in anymore! You make us a family, instead of just a couple. You are an amazing gift that we can't believe is ours.

We're crazy about you and we love you more than you know,

mommy and daddy

p.s.

Here's a look back at your first year, starting with the day you were born, then each of your giraffe pictures...you're such a little sweetie. :)

May 5, 2008

June 5
July 5
August 5

September 5

October 5

November 5

December 5

January 5

February 5
March 5
April 5

today: May 5, 2009

1st birthday party

My 1st birthday party.

written by Audrey

photography by kBp

me with mommy, Aunt Angie and Nana


some of my friends that we were there...I was ready to eat cake, not take more pictures!

What is this?!?

...oh!

cake is good.

I can't eat this fast enough!

The cake mommy made for me.

opening presents! (mommy had to open them for me. I was too distracted by the tissue paper.)

When's do I get to do this again?!?